Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
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