College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
