What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize
