you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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