Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Randomize
