i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
