Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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