just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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