You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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