The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
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