So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
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