have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
