sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
my being single is dangerous.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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