So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
two words: eviction party
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I have aggressive nipples.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
