All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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