Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
nutella sex= disaster
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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