I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
What a dumb baby whore.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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