Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
