Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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