at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
