take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Randomize
