i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
