He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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