You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I'm both gender and math confused
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Randomize
