Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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