i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
