My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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