she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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