I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
