This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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