Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
