You can't special order awesome
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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