I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
