btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
i just google imaged poop.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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