he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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