How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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