She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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