She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Randomize
