it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
