she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
only if we run a train.
done.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
