Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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