So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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