Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
It was like getting head from an anaconda
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
