if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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