Hey man sorry I got all grabby
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
