My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
don't judge my taste in strippers
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
