Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize