the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
