So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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