Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Randomize
