if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
