YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
