You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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